6/2/24 Columbus, Georgia

4:24am

Wrapped up a weekend on the road; The return to Montgomery with Opelika, AL and Columbus, GA tacked on. Montgomery is comforting. It feels slower and quiet, something I need. Opelika was surprisingly pretty. A vibrant bricktown with western saloon style rooftops. Columbus was a former water mill town and it shows in its architecture. One city on the railroad and another on the river. I got to see the Chattahoochie. I know so many people that will never see the things I get to doing this.

I’ve learned to consider time zones a factor when planning for shows. The central to eastern border lies between Alabama and Georgia. I’ve never had to work a time zone from the road. An odd accolade. One of my besfriends’ mom showed up to the show in Columbus. I haven’t see her in maybe 5 years. I sold my first merch - it was a Hootie and the Blowfish CD that I was getting rid of at home. Signed it and made $20 off it. Tonight I’m sharing the couch an autistic chihuahua. Tomorrow I get to sleep in bed with my girlfriend. What a life.

5/28/24 Austin, Texas

Yesterday I bought a rim for the Subaru off Facebook. Factory replacements were $300 and up, and steel rims were $65 and up - Both before installation fees. I bought a rim from some guy for $20. It had been posted for weeks and given the seller’s name I thought it was a bot. Turns out, just some old German man. I found it and bought it in less than 24 hours. Today I took my old wheel and my new-to-me rim to a local family owned tire shop and for $25 I was in and out in less than 20 minutes. I gave him $40. $60 total and I have a new wheel, and not a day too late. Tomorrow I head to Lake Charles and from there to Montgomery, to Opelika, to Columbus.

The Road is driving on a spare for 6 weeks after almost losing the whole wheel in Wichita, only to get it all taken care of the day before going to Louisiana to headline a weekend worth of shows. Mexicans rock.

5/19/24 Gonzales, Louisiana

A year ago (yesterday - it’s 1:40am) I did my first 30 minutes. I closed out a show in Duncan, Oklahoma. Since then I have done more 30 minute sets than 10, been to and performed in Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Colorado, Nebraska, South Dakota, and Wisconsin, I’ve done 52 minutes on a show and have gotten paid for it - that took me 11 months since doing my 30 in Duncan (which I’ve also done two more 35s there since).

Tonight I find myself in Gonzales, Louisiana, doing a comedy festival. Only the second that I’ve done, and neither I submitted for. I’m progressing rapidly and it’s because I’m trailblazing my own way. I’ve never liked the rules so why follow comedy’s? This past year has been incredibly difficult, with more hard times ahead, surely. I need to slow down and appreciate what I’ve accomplished so far. Keep dreaming big. Big swings are memorable. Tonight’s roses are a quiet bench on the backside of my hotel that overlooks a field. Paired with the highway hum in the distance and a $1.25 Dr. Pepper from the hotel’s vending machine. This life ain’t bad. But if I bomb tomorrow, I will kill myself.

4/20/24 Mountainburg, Arkansas

528 people live here, sounds like 0. Surrounded by the Boston Mountains, trees, Dollar Tree & Dollar General, and the quiet hum of the two tractor tailers parked at the truck stop. Next to me is a field of wildflowers; A beautiful crimson. I picked some for Sam.

4/17/24 Austin, Texas

This past weekend was my first time on the road as a headliner. I did two shows in states I've never been to. Lately all I've cared about is testing my limits in this craft, exploring new places, and my incredibly supportive girlfriend, Sam, and making sure our home is our escape from our crazy realities. I wasn't enjoying grinding showcases in a city and I've removed myself from being a regular in comedy scenes and work them like the road when I'm not out and about. Since doing so I've experienced comedy and life in ways I never would've. I’ve seen myself grow, I've seen myself crumble, I've met some amazing people, and some terrible ones.

I'm fortunate that this line of work let's me travel so much and I'm able to see friends all over the country. I stayed with my bestfriends from childhood just outside of Omaha and was overcome with happiness for them to see where their lives took them and what they've made for themselves since we left our hometown.

I've always been fascinated with The West and it's history and culture. On my way to my shows I took the Chisholm Trail to the Oregon Trail to Lewis & Clark trials. I crossed the Arkansas River, the Missouri River, the Platte River. All of these rivers and trails played a part in establishing The West. It's surreal to me to use them for the sake of comedy. I'm intertwining my passions and using resources laid out infront of me from those that made their own leaps.

Saturday I did a show in South Dakota for a town of 400 people and had the time of my life.

Sunday I did a show in Nebraska and was able to give a guest spot to a fellow road comic that was passing through, and he made me work. Two opposite show experiences but both crucial to development and I'm lucky to have been a part of both of them.

I drove a car that I bought two months ago from New Jersey. It was cheaper to fly out there, buy it, drive it back to Texas than it was for me to buy a vehicle in similar condition in the state. Since February I've accumulated 6,500 miles in those two months and this car and I have been to New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delware, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, and South Dakota. On the way back from Nebraska I started to have car troubles in Kansas, north of Salina. The area is desolate, and for that I love it. Doing comedy on the road is the closest I'll get to being a gunslinger drifting through towns. Modern society doesn't do it for me and I enjoy being in places where the land tests you.

While making road side repairs I was stuck in a dust storm, and I've never experienced anything like it. The wind, the glass like dirt and debris, the stress - this is real life. This is my real life and I put myself in these positions frequently. And I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I've done the alternative, and I was miserable. But when the conditions are miserable I thrive.

Somewhere around Salina two of my wheel studs snapped off and without the lugs nuts holding the wheel on properly it violently shook. The rim was trashed. Luckily I had a donut spare tire and swapped them out in a truck stop, then limped my car to an O'Reilly Auto Parts in Wichita. When I went to take the spare off, the remaining lugs also snapped. I have the knowledge and the aptitude to fix this on the side of the road with all my previous experience being a mechanic, but I did not bring any of my tools. Because of that, I spent around $500 in tools and parts from that O'Reilly. I worked until it got too dark and with the storm picking up I chose to get a hotel for the night and game plan and try again the next day. I've never been so far from a support system when things went bad. And now I was quickly burning through all the money I had just made from the previous shows.

One of the employees from O'Reilly gave me a ride to the hotel and even turned down gas money when I insisted. Before leaving my car I hastily packed two bags with whatever valuables I didn't want to risk leaving in the car. When I got to the hotel I was a mess. My hair was clay from being tied up while working on my car and now layered with dirt, my clothes were caked with grime, and my knuckles were busted and bloody. And I was now stuck in a room with terrible thoughts cascading into the next. My phone has been having issues charging and wasn't accepting anything for the first 20 minutes. With what little battery life I had left I texted Sam and gave her a paper trail of where I was, where the car was, where I was planning on being. All incase my phone died and wouldn't come back on. I wrote all of the information down in my road journal too.

I was very aware of my vulnerability and dreading the next day. On top of that, the wind storm had turned into a thunderstorm. Between the increased wind speeds and rain I was certain my car was going to fall off the spare tire jack I left it on, teetering on the 3 remaining wheels. I chose to unpack everything I had stuffed into my bags, laid them out, organized them, and repacked them. It was something I could control. I took inventory, laid my clothes out for the next day, and passed out watching the lighting.

The next morning I checked out with hopes I wouldn't have to come back for a second night. I silently Ubered back to the car and got to work. In about 2 hours I had successfully removed the caliper bracket blocking me from hammering out the old wheel studs, removed the hat rotor, installed the new studs, got everything cleaned and reinstalled, and hit the road. I was able to gameplan the process from the hotel and figure out exactly what other tools I'd need. I've done harder repairs in worse conditions in less desirable locations. I was only able to do all of that because of my years of being a mechanic - knowledge that I've been struggling to reuse since stepping away from wrenching full time. I'm very fortunate to have that stored and vaulted for situations like this.

With the tiny spare on I wasn't comfortable going more than 60mph. I also didn't want to gamble on risk another break down. What should've taken me 8 hours to get home took me about 10. I was passed by every vehicle on the road and fighting the storm winds the entire time. I made it home and had a fantastic night with Sam and we slept in extra late today.

Friends, family, and strangers want to know when Netflix specials are coming out. They don't realize what it takes to get to there. This is what it takes. It takes being funny, but it takes more endurance and quick thinking to withstand obstacles like this.

Here's my advice to to any comic

-Get a road atlas. Invest in maps. Travel centers and some rest stops have them for free for whichever state you're in. Leave them in your car and try to have a copy of as many states as you can. I don't care that your phone has GPS. Phones die.

-Make sure your car is well maintained. I've taken hazardous vehicles over long stretches on road plenty of times, but you always run the risk. Take the time to do a once over as much as you can.

-have tools. Have as many as you can comfortably carry and you know how to use. If you don't know how to use it, learn. Oil changes and brakes are pretty easy to take care of and the more you lower your overhead costs the more you can invest that into gas money or hotels or whatever you need to get out there.

-I was only able to afford this trip and the mishaps because I work my ass off in Austin when I'm not on the road. I work side jobs and anything with a flexible schedule that fits around my comedy. If you want to get on the road more you might have to sacrifice a more secure job.

To the noncomics

-if you like comedy, go to a show. Doesn't have to be mine, doesn't even have to be someone you know, just go. They're cheaper than most concerts, less of a time commitment than them, and you tend to have more fun stories to recall on. Some of us are making tremendous efforts to come to your towns to make you laugh.

To the O'Reilly Auto Parts employees in Wichita - Michael, Caleb, and Chevy - thank you for your help over the course of two days. I was able to make it home.

Also, my car got towed from my apartment sometime this morning. And that's a poetic cherry on top of this sugar free ice cream Sundae. Just when you think it's over. But for some sick reason I'm addicted to these awful lows I've experienced while chasing this dream. Because there's always an equal opposite to them. And I've never felt more alive.

4/14/24 Bellevue, Nebraska

Last night I headlined my first show. A true headline - 45+ minutes. I’ve closed out shows before but last night was the longest I’ve done on stage. Besides that time I fucked around on stage for an hour at an open mic at 2am. I’ve been working the road, officially, since November of 2022. Then with Roderick from September of 2023 - March of 2024 (with select dates this month). Now it’s the real deal. I did 52 minutes for Jefferson, South Dakota - a town of 400 people. And 10% of the town came out to the show. That’s quite the ratio. Maybe even a future credit. “This guy got 10% of a South Dakota town to come out to a Saturday show in the football offseason.”

I got paid $180 for my time. The most I’ve ever gotten from one single show. (Actually, Baton Rouge was $183.) Tonight I’m in Lincoln, Nebraska. A good friend and real road dawg, Neil Rubenstein, will be passing through and asked for a guest spot. He reached out to me for time, What a trip. This guy gave me a spot on a Veteran’s show in Round Rock, TX in 2021 after doing a show with him in Georgetown, TX. This is a game of giving and receiving - it all comes back. I’m lucky enough to have worked with good people in this dark and cutthroat business.

For now, I’m enjoying the calm before the stage with my childhood best friends just outside of Omaha. I’ve been staying with them during this trip, and comedy made that possible. Comedy made it possible to see Nebraska and South Dakota for the first time. I’ve put 5,000 miles on my new-to-me car in the less than two months that I’ve owned it. And I’ll be putting on another near 1,000 miles to get back home to Sam tomorrow. I miss her dearly, I wish she was traveling with me. We’re getting closer to her coming with me.

3/6/24 Lafayette, Louisiana

Not the weekend I was hoping for but it was good in its own regards. I might’ve found a new seasonal venue for the circuit and I got to hang with some good buddies. A miscommunication with the pay on one of the shows and I’m going home with $100 less than anticipated, but I’m going home. And I’m ready.

3/3/24 El Dorado, Arkansas

9 times out of 10 I can safely pee into a bottle while driving. Yesterday was the 10th time. Made great time driving to the show. The road was smooth, no traffic. The venue was beautiful. I was very excited for it. Unfortunately, it was one of those nights. The producer overbooked the show, a buddy booking, and the host royally screwed up the lineup. Only the closer was announced correctly. I was in the green room and someone told me they just called me. Ran to the stage and it was on and off for the next 20 minutes. I can’t believe I peed on myself for that set.

I never get over how pretty Arkansas is. Every corner so far is a foggy mountain town. El Dorado is no different. 5 stars to the visitor center here. I'll make it a point to come back through. And I won’t piss on myself next time. Off to Louisiana with a boot stuffed with a wad of cash.

2/29/24 Austin, Texas

Drove Sam to the airport at 4am, slept for 7 hours, going to work at 1pm, back home until 9pm then back to work. This life is wild. I do it to support Sam and I and to keep my dream going. Saturday morning l head to Hot Springs, Arkansas. Then Monday in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Tuesday in Lafayette, Louisiana. It’s happening. I’m on the road, I’m figuring it all out.

2/24/24 Lake Charles, Louisiana

Last night we were in Alexandria, LA. I booked my first ever Comedy Microbrew and I did it on the road and used my “local” buddies. The show went well enough that the owner would like to do another in around 4 months, maybe something quarterly. Also did a good enough job that the owner gave us an extra $100 on top of our guarantee. One of the comics blew a tire on the way out and I had the host pass around a tip jar after the show to fund a new tire. And we got the job done. I was told by another comic that had done a show there previously that they had the best burger he’s ever had at the food truck on the property. I can’t remember the best burger I’ve ever had, but it very well might be that one. The burger was also free. Not too bad of a night. Off the Hattiesburg, MS in the morning.

2/8/24 Austin, Texas

Lately my conversations about work with coworkers have been about venues on the road. Ways to keep the burning and bills paid. It’s never been like this before. “Work” always meant turning wrenches or moving furniture. Now it means packing a duffle bag with a driving outfit and stage outfit and heading somewhere I’ve never been to. Driven by dreams and fueled by caffeine. And the form of caffeine changes depending on the area I’m in. A week ago I closed out a road with Roderick for the first time, and I didn’t do poorly. I held my own, got laughs, learned, grew. I’ve closed out shows before - Milwaukee in June of ‘23, I did 25 minutes for $75. May of ‘23 I did 30 minutes Duncan and that still didn’t feel the same as February 1st, 2024. I know Milwaukee, it was my first home scene. I knew Duncan, I lived there and personally knew 95% of the audience. I didn’t know Montgomery. I think I’m finally a comic.

My work is doing 30-60 minutes of comedy infront of strangers on the road. Not oil changes in Illinois or lifting couches in Texas. My job is looking at my Atlas to find towns that could go for a show. Finding out how much it costs to take out an ad in the newspaper in those towns. Which clip I have that would make them laugh the most and actually buy a ticket specifically to see me. Like in Tyler, Texas in September of '23 or Wellington, Colorado in November of ‘23. That shit happened. Twice

2/2/24 Montgomery, Alabama

I’ve forgotten how much I miss a quiet town. I’ve forgotten how they sound like, that they even exist. Montgomery is a time capsule and a way of life that I’m desperately searching for. 3 hours to Atlanta, 3 to Nashville, 3 to Tallahassee - this could be my quiet place. My days in Austin are numbered and there are many Montgomeries out there for me to find. Last night’s show went well despite the turnout. Roderick and I switched and I closed out, my first time following him on our coheadliner show. I did the best I could do and it wasn’t bad at all. A tough feat, considering his closer is designed to be a ribbon on a performance - and it gets him an applause break every single time. I’m growing, I’m learning. Hank Williams lived here and worked the road, why can’t I?

2/1/24 Tuscaloosa, Alabama

The University of Alabama is an awfully pretty campus. I never went to college, I knew I wouldn’t. I never took trips to visit possible colleges for after high school. I’ve only ever been to a few colleges.

• Oklahoma State because I was born there

• College of Lake County because my mechanic classes were there

• University of Texas because I lived in Austin (Saw OK State play and beat them in Austin)

• Kansas University for a gig, and I was roofied there

2/1/24 Pelahatchie, Mississippi

Left Jackson with $34 and a headache. The shower head screamed the entire time it was in use and the pillows were rocks. Today I can’t tell which part of my head hurts the most. I’m going to start bringing a travel pillow of my own on the road. Some sort of consistent comfort that also reminds me of home. And is a little more sanitary. I had a nice conversation with the front desk worker at check out about water bottles. I’m traveling with my gallon Yeti jug (given to me for work, I can’t afford my own) and he had a 3/4 gallon he showed me. He asked my business out this way and I told him I was a comedian. He was blown away. I think I was the first he’d ever met. He asked who my favorite comedian was and who I thought was the greatest was. And he knew none of my answers. Sometimes the things you give a shit about mean nothing to someone else. Or nothing to them. And I love that. I love no feeling the weight of performance and knowledge when I don’t seek it. Here I was, talking to someone that didn’t know me or the who’s who. He knew Red Foxx and he knew I had a bigger water bottle than him.

1/31/24 Longview, Texas

Eastbound on US20 on the way to Jackson, Mississippi for the night. Two shows in Montgomery with guaranteed deals has turned into two door deal shows - granted, 100% of the door, but an unexpected audible. A much greater upside is matched with an equally serious downside. Boom or bust, in comedy we trust.

1/30/24 Austin, Texas

Definitely the best weekend of comedy so far and also one of the worst weekends of my life. Started off with my hotel being closed with no notice to me and possibly out all the money I used to book it. Then had my window smashed out and duffle bag stolen from my car during the first show of the trip. Lost my favorite pair of boots, my favorite hat, and my grandfather's belt and buckle. All three had been through most of the challenges in my adult life: Every job, every relationship, every state I've done comedy in, and now they're gone. Saturday I had the two best shows of my life. Almost like I was proving something to someone or everyone.

1/27/24 San Antonio, Texas

The calm before the stage. This is what getting to a road show early feels like. Especially when working a door split. Are the shows going to fill up? Are we going to sell tickets? Am I going to get paid? If I do, will I feel any less guilty for having a BBQ sandwich from Buc-ee’s on the way home at midnight?

1/15/24 Austin, Texas

This is my third freeze spent in Austin. The first had been in my car in the winter of 2021-2022. The second was spent living indoors with comics for 2022-2023. This winter is spent with a fantastic woman that is much prettier than my former roommates and helps keep our bed much warmer than the hammock in my car ever got. Growing up in the Midwest I’ve lived through much colder temperatures. I was working outside the winter that Lake County was colder than Siberia and Antarctica, -40 degrees, and for two days it was the coldest place in the world. But Austin is different. This city isn’t built for those temperatures. The summer of ‘22 was so dry that in the winter of 2022-’23 the trees snapped from the weight of the ice. It was a constant state of suspense, waiting for the cracking sounds and the carnage. The trees in Illinois don’t snap. Illinois -1, Texas - 0.

Currently there are no trees creaking. The ice hasn’t arrived yet. Just the sounds of an exhausted heater and faucets dripping. I always enjoyed the prepping and enduring of disasters and modern survival situations. Dripping faucets, filling up the bath tub, stocking up on canned goods, having flashlights placed throughout the apartment or house or car. It’s mirco-primitism, and I love it.

While in Oklahoma last weekend I picked up a microwave from my aunts. I used it yesterday and that was the first time I’d used one in 5 months. I didn’t have one in the camper. I’ve grown accustomed to reheating food with a pan and the oven. And I prefer it that way. It’s less convenient than a microwave and far more rewarding. Oddly enough, I stalled for a moment trying to refamiliarize myself with it. I was reheating rice for 30 seconds, it doesn’t get any easier than that, and somehow I didn’t remember. I figured it out, I’m not an idiot. But I don’t like the feeling of losing that small bit of struggle with using the stove. I don’t want things to be easy. I don’t want a cooking device with preset cooking times for potatoes, popcorn, thaw.

How funny would it be if I was trying to figure out how to use the microwave and the closest big tree snapped and landed on me?

Defrost veggies - SPLAT

1/13/24 Decatur, Texas

Yesterday we did a show in Duncan, Oklahoma. Duncan is a familiar place and usually works its way into my road schedule every 6 months or so. What should’ve been a routine show and easy kick off to the tour was riddled with mishap. I stayed up till 4am the night before hitting the road, playing Madden. I slept in to make up for it and had to rush to get ready to leave. I made fried eggs and cracked one onto the stove instead of the pan. When I tried to scoop it up it slipped down and below the burner. I left so quickly I didn’t notice until I got 30 miles north that I forgot my knife and wallet. The two things that protect me and take care of me, left on the table nest to the case for Madden. Luckily the show was a one nighter and we’re heading back to Austin. Had this been the leg of shows in March I would’ve been without them for 8 days.

Today I’m traveling with a small wad of cash in my pocket. I’m able to pay for my morning coffee and drinks on the road. In an unpredictable way it is extremely freeing. I don’t feel the weight of “needing” to have my identity. There aren’t plastic cards on my person that say my name. No one knows who I am. They don’t need to. If I die on the road drive a stake into the ground, hang my hat on it, and move on. Along with forgetting my wallet, knife, and sanity, I also forgot a hair tie - and it is a windy day on the plains. Jay walking has become a liability with my long hair. I’ve never seen a trucker hat hanging from a cross on the side of the road but someone has to be the first.

12/29/23 Austin, Texas

I moved to Austin because I felt it was the next move for me in an early comedy “career.” Covid was still going on and there wasn’t enough stage time in Chicago and Milwaukee. I could work Green Bay, Madison, and towns inbetween and make enough money to pay for my gas - even fill my tank. It was a rush. I was doing something that wasn’t work and I was getting paid for it. Just enough to drive to “not work” and punch in directly to my lunch break, eat, then punch out and go home. I think I only became a mechanic to talk shit in a shop. I could go have a lunch break in Rockford or Janesville or Milton and make $50-75 on a Tuesday. I was getting out and seeing different people and do my thing and justify doing it because I wasn’t wasting gas. And what the hell else was I going to do? I was just starting to get a taste for road comedy and I wanted to get out. I was making enough to leave and make it back.